I lost my father Sunday. He had been sick for some time, and we knew this day would come. As prepared as you think you may be, it seems you are never ready to say good-bye to someone you love. The world always feels a little smaller without them, and there is an empty space where they used to reside.
As my week went on, a deep sadness settled in as I had time for everything to settle in. A quiet sadness. My mind began to process all things unsaid, all the "should have's", on and on. However, instead of staying there, I forgave myself for those things I thought should have been different. It's a process, this grieving and healing thing. But I'm doing it. One day at a time.
My father was musical. He was funny. He existed to make people feel good about themselves and laugh. He honestly had a joke for EVERY occasion. He was loved by many, and will be missed.
Throughout the process of his hospice and loss, I could not stop thinking about the little blessings that arose. The friends who stepped in to help, to support. The visits, the laughter.........these are the things we have to see. These are things we have to focus on. And let me tell you, there were many of them.
The New Moon was on Thursday, and I usually like to meditate, and set intention with the moon cycles for my life. So, even in my sadness, I set up and space, and spent some time. What I intended to do was to set intentions I would like to grow with this moon cycle, and I did. What surprised me though, was how much time I spend in quiet gratitude. I could NOT stop thanking god for this thing, and that visit, and that laugh, and another person. So much gratitude. And when I was done my 2 hours of meditation, I felt so relaxed and at peace.
I am still sad, of course. But I wanted to share how much gratitude truly changes the space you are in. It changes your perspective. When we look for the good, when we honor the good, we see more good. We feel more good. And we have more peace.
May you find peace in your quiet moments, even if they are steeped in sadness.
In love and gratitude....